Friday, April 28, 2006.

I'm getting damn pissed. Vithiya, it's about the same girl and the same thing and she's pissing me off BIG TIME. I don't think back then in Crescent pissed off would have been what I would have used, but my parents and my maid say I've changed? I became more temperamental, more intolerant, more immune.

Even harsh words come easily to my mouth and I don't feel a tinge of regret.

Ruddy path of destruction. I want to be out of it.

She's really pissing me off. They have said, from at least 3 weeks ago that they need samples. SAMPLES. Now you're telling me when we need the samples on Sunday that you don't know where the supplier is located? What have you been doing? Is that being responsible for what you have to do?

And people tell me that I look fierce and unapproachable when I don't smile.

Do you HAVE to smile all the time? When you don't feel like it, you have to put up a false front too? When there's absolutely nothing to smile about, why should I? All these make no sense to me and they never will. Ever since this year I've started to take things very very personally and sometimes that feeling just makes my life ruddy miserable.

It's easy to feel like shit, and hard for that lingering feeling to dissipate within you.

If you agree not with my definitions you can jolly do well with minding your own business. I don't have the liberty to choose? Why get pissed when you're the one who's upsetting me in first place? Maybe I have expectations which are too high, but you have to give me time to adjust to the current surroundings. There are some things which you find fun which I don't. There are some words which you can accept that I can't. PLEASE.

It feels bad when people tell you you've changed. And it's even worse when you don't feel that you've changed.

Desensitisation is one word suitable for many contexts.

I know it can't be my excuse as human failure, but I'm sick and tired of all these now. Sometimes, when I tell you that I feel like whacking you, I really, really, do.

I don't mind going back to Crescent. At least I could laugh and smile with all the people without inhibitions. I don't think I'm being myself right now.

Si Ying I finally understand how you feel.


















I need to cry.

Never thought through so much like I did this week, and I really really need to cry.

Haven't felt so pathetic about everything in a long time.

Things just suck sometimes.

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