Sunday, August 27, 2006.

My life these days has been rather trying.

And I'm sorry if I get a little cranky, irritable, annoyed and rude somehow.

I know those are stupid excuses that one can give but yeah, I know, it is of no one's fault that I am this way.

It's just that things pile up and my expectations of people are not met with what reality holds and things and situations at home just stuff me with so much emotions that I don't really know what I'm supposed to do.

For the past week I've had a heavy burden, and for the rest of the weeks to come this burden will continue to stay and I'm sad that no one who would ever read this post would understand, nor would I be ready to share with you all of these.

If you felt offended by my above paragraph, please do not be. I'm not a master with words so I just had to bring it out directly. It's just sheer black and white clarification of my thoughts on my part. So, you can just ignore this post all together if you don't really want to bother.

I ought to be blessed and happy during this trying period even it sounds as contradictory as it is, it isn't. I can't put this in words and I believe I'm talking to myself.

The bottom line is, I think everyone should start looking out for the people around. I mean, you can be all smiles and happy and loud and cheery and normal by the world's standards but you know inwardly that you aren't, not in the very least.

The face is a mask, it's a veil, and it conceals very very well.

Alright you may ignore all that I say above, but I would want to apologise to anyone out there beforehand for irking, exasperating, annoying, irritating or even ignoring you.

I know I'm very judgemental and biased and strong in my opinions, and I can never be the kind who'd be alright with everything you tell me, I'm the sort who would avoid something or rather, avoid doing something at all costs. I think I'm not afraid to show or voice out my displeasure and some people might find that I'm hard to get along with and that I'm difficult to co-operate with.

The thing is, I still stand by what I feel is right and I might apologise for irritating you and making you upset, but I would not tend to think what I've done is wrong by my standards. There are times when I'm wrong and if I fail to acknowledge that, you're free to tell me and even with begrudging, I think I'd try to change.

Sorry if I tend to want to dictate situations and I'm sorry if I tend to be sarcastic, spiteful and harsh.

I'm not going to say, "I'm like that and you have no control over me" or whatsoever. Flaws should be pointed out to better a person but there are times when people like me are adamant about what you might condemn as being 'wrong'.

I don't believe I should help people who do not even bother helping themselves.

I don't why exactly I'm typing all these things you may term as rubbish but I guess it's a way to get it out of my system. Things can get so irritating sometimes there's no better avenue of letting them out.

And this, is my avenue of doing so.

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